Life Before Lockdown Part 1- 2018 Into 2019

To say that a lot has happened since I last updated this blog on a regular basis is a huge understatement. Even if the nightmare that life became in March 2020 hadn't occurred, the statement would still apply. I intend to pick things up from where I left off in the article, "Then You Open A Hotel...." (I haven't, things have never got THAT bad), summarise how 2019 panned out over a handful of articles then address the hellish existence that has been Covid 19. 

My Mum says that I have a brain like a sieve. I am therefore grateful to have my training diaries to jog my memory on a lot of the things I shall be writing about in the days to come.

2017 was a pretty good year....until a month before it ended. Unforseen non running events sent my life into a tailspin, wiping out the positivity of the previous 11 months. The aforementioned article will fill in the gap thereafter. How I managed it is a very long story and was down to the huge support of some great people but, as 2018 drew to a close, I had pulled myself together. I was running well again. I even churned out a track session of 12x500m with 100m jog recoveries in freezing fog at Crownpoint on Christmas Eve, my traditional run on Christmas morning and 12 High Point hill reps on Boxing Day. A tough year ended with the huge high of a time of 31:16 at the Ribble Valley 10km Road Race on 30th December, easily my most complete performance of the year. I can still remember my emotions at the finish. A great example of the sheer elation running can bring and how it can make things seem not so serious.

My last two 2018 training diary entries were two easy 6 mile runs. I had written the heading "Epilogue" on a new page after this but never ever wrote it. Why dwell on negatives? Instead, I closed the book on 2018 and opened 2019 with a fresh page.

Above: the conclusion of the Ribble Valley Race in December 2018.

Alas, I wasn't as fresh as the aforementioned metaphorical page on rolling up for the Beith Harriers New Year Road Race on 2nd January. I had the winner's trophy, the McLuckie Cup, to return from the previous year and had noticed from the engravings that I was one short of Laurie Spence's record of 5 wins. The race had been changed from its fast 4 lap industrial estate route of 4.5-5 miles to an undulating 10km and, coming only 3 days after Ribble Valley, it was just too much for me. Shettleston's Jamie Burns deservedly defeated me by 11 seconds as I struggled home in 2nd place with 33:09 on the clock. My friend Toni McIntosh also suffered a severe injury during this race and seeing how upset she was about it capped off a fairly flat day.

The festive period tends to be topsy turvy with little routine. That probably explains why I lined up for the Scottish Indoor 3000m Championships at the Emirates only 2 days later. Glutton for punishment. This was an emotional occasion for happier reasons. I found myself comprehensively outclassed in the fastest heat where the first 4 finishers broke 8 minutes. What mattered though was my time of 8:39.04 not only constituted a first personal best for 14 long months (I've run faster over 3000m outdoors but they all count) but also secured me M35 gold, my first ever individual Scottish title. I was bursting with pride after this and humbled by the social media reaction I received, including from Toni so soon after her own misfortune. I still treasure the medal more than many of the others.

That race took place on a Friday night. What about Saturday? You just have to relax and recover with a 16:50 clocking over 5km at Strathclyde Parkrun don't you? I did suggest that there was little routine to the week.

Above: feeling every step but sticking it out. James Donald of Dundee Hawkhill Harriers, since vastly improved, is on my shoulder before eventually beating me.

Things then settled down into my familiar work-running-watching Queen's Park routine. By the time of an old favourite race, the Renfrewshire 5 Mile Road Race in Greenock on 3rd February, I had completed 4 consecutive 60 mile weeks. I would complete one more the next week. As a traditionally lower mileage distance runner, this was a heavy workload for me. 

The week leading up to the race is interesting to read back on. Firstly, on 30th January, a Wednesday, I wrote that my car was in for a repair and I had run 9 miles from my work in Paisley (I don't work there any more, to be explained at a later date) to Busby. My Dad had suggested this. What a great idea. A new regular training run was born. On the following day I had a problem with my car and missed my run. Not to worry, I did my new run again on the Friday in the exact same time as the Wednesday before having a night out and a few pints at a comedy night at East Kilbride Sports Club with some friends. On Saturday I ran 8 miles during a session that I call the Mixed Grill. This is 1 mile easy, 2 miles hard, 1 mile easy, 8x1 minute hard 1 minute easy, then the remainder easy. One continuous run. No stopping at any stage. I do it occasionally as a fitness test. I completed it in 48:54 and wrote that I "had a level of contentment I haven't had for a long time." The contentment can be the only explanation for me finishing 3rd in 25:18 the next day in a blustery Greenock behind Sean Fontana and Dougie Selman but ahead of the likes of clubmate Gavin Smith and Craig Ruddy. I was though clearly fit as well. The race always falls around my Dad's birthday and the Covid situation has temporarily robbed us of a great father-son day out.

All this was leading to my major target of the winter, the Scottish National Cross Country on 23rd February. I did one more preparatory race, the Armagh 5km Road Race on the 14th. This would be my 6th time racing in Armagh since 2010 and, I am sorry to say, the least enjoyable. The race has grown from around 80 runners to over 200. The course is too narrow and simply cannot cope. I found myself boxed in and hampered at the start. For the record, I finished 106th out of 201 finishers in 14:57. My last kilometre of 2:57 was my quickest. That says all you need to know about the congestion. On the plus side, it was a pleasure again to see my good friends Charles and Jenny Bannerman from Inverness and I can't say that I didn't enjoy my post race pints of good Irish beer in the hotel bar (until 2.30am!). Sadly though, I would think twice about going back until athlete safety is given more of a priority by the organisers than it currently is. I voiced these concerns to them at the time.

Two days after Armagh, my Dad and I headed to Callendar Park, Falkirk where I did 7x3 minutes with 2 minute static recoveries as a pre-race recce. During the 21 minutes of efforts I covered 4 miles. Two days before the National I did a track session of 10x200m with 200m slow jog recoveries. One rep took 31 seconds, 2 were completed in 33 seconds and the remainder in 32 seconds. I wrote the following:-

"Short, sharp session to finish National preparation.

Feeling nervous, really hoping it can all come together.

Big race feeling. Time to leave it all out there and to reclaim some scalps."

My next article will describe how it all panned out.

Sources of Inspiration

Over the years, I have taken a lot of enjoyment and pleasure out of reading. I think that books are wonderful things. Whether it's fact or fiction, you can learn so much from them. Nowadays, technology provides us with so many forms of entertainment. I have never however been a big fan of the likes of Netflix, Amazon Prime etc. You will rarely, if ever, find me having a "boxset binge." It's just not my thing. Give me a cup of tea (or even better, a pot) and a good book though and you will make me a happy person. I'm also not talking about electronic devices that store books. I mean physically having a book in your hand. 

Back in the good old days, up to early 2020, when we were allowed to partake in things called holidays, I would take two or three books away with me. There is no better way to pass the time at a poolside or in a coffee shop. The last time I managed to get away anywhere was a couple of nights in a country hotel in December 2019 when competing in the Ribble Valley 10km Road Race. On that occasion, I even sat by the fire in the bar with a couple of books (a biography of the late American comedian and actor Richard Pryor and, to provide some balance, that year's Broons annual) and a few pints after my dinner. I should add that I had already run the race earlier in the day! More on that in an another article in the not too distant future.

Where am I going with this? Well I'm not oblivious to the fact that this blog has not been updated often for some time. It's fair to say that we have all not had our troubles to seek over the last wee while! I've lacked the inspiration to write anything. In all honesty, a lot of the time, I just haven't felt like it. That was until the day I wrote this article when I received another book for my collection. A friend from Kilmarnock Harriers, Scott Martin, has commendably written one in support of Alzheimer Scotland. It looks like it will be a good read- I wait with baited breath to see if I'm in it. If he can perform such a selfless gesture, surely I can write a few words on this blog again every so often? Of course I can, and that's what I now intend to do. Thank you for the fresh inspiration Scott and I hope that your efforts raise plenty money for your chosen cause.

Lockdown Experiences

Driving to and from work. Doing a day's work in the office. Getting the train to work while relaxing with a book, picking up a cup of tea from Greggs on the way in and running home. Training with my club. Racing. Venturing to a Parkrun and socialising afterwards. Going to the football with my Dad. Going for a pint with my brother. Going out for a meal with my family. Having the occasional Sunday run "away day" down the Ayrshire coast. What have all of these activities got in common? They have all been off limits to me since 23rd March 2020.

Above: the football with my Dad in happier times.

None of us need any introduction to the perils of Covid 19 and the destruction it has caused to our daily lives. Offices, shops, pubs, restaurants, cafes, sports facilities, hairdressers/barber shops and schools all closed. Friends and family separated from each other. Thousands of people losing their jobs and even their lives. It has been nothing short of a catastrophe. Lockdown has had an effect on me too in many ways. I thought that sharing my experiences might help others.

From the outset, I would say that I know that I am far more fortunate than many. My heart goes out to everyone who has suffered in any way during this. The first impact on me was the cancellation of a holiday. On 14th March, I was scheduled to fly out to Portugal's Algarve region for 6 days to enjoy some warm weather training for the third consecutive year. While Covid 19 had not spread throughout the UK and there were no travel restrictions at that time, Portugal was in a state of alert. Concerned about bringing the virus home with me (especially with my Mum having just recovered from a life threatening illness) and having to "self isolate," I cancelled the trip and decided to have a week off at home instead. I got more than I bargained for.

Above: a previous trip to the Algarve in 2009, once the training had been done of course.

You could sense things were happening. My time off was cut short at 3 days to prepare for homeworking. Lockdown started on 23rd March. My old room at my parents' house became my new office. It certainly had its perks. A much shorter, traffic free commute (less than 2 minutes), no need for formal dress, no face to face client meetings. It also gave me the chance to tune into the Ken Bruce show on Radio 2 every morning. I have been a fan of Ken for at least 16 years since seeing him as a guest in Dictionary Corner on Countdown. I used to listen to the late Terry Wogan on the radio and soon realised that Ken was on after him. When I was in Sweden for 6 months in 2004 my Dad used to send me recordings of his show on cassettes. Ken has proven to be a tonic during homeworking. Great music and chat and a wee quiz called Popmaster every day at 10.30am. I strongly recommend it.

Over time however, things started to fray at the edges. Realising that we were in this for the long haul, my morale, motivation and mental health slipped. I received a pay cut and reduction to a 4 day week. There is only so much you can achieve outside the office and the frustration at the length of time even routine tasks took grew. I found myself making occasional twilight visits to the office (with no-one else there) to complete some tasks. It wasn't uncommon for me to be there at 8pm or later.

Eventually, at the beginning of June, I agreed to go on furlough for 3 weeks. To be taken out of the firing line for a while was welcome but it's not really a holiday when leisure options are so limited. The first couple of weeks were fine but by the third week I was thoroughly fed up and, yes, a little depressed. Relief came when I was told that I could not only return to work on 1st July (still on a 4 day week) but also be in the office if I wished provided that I kept my workspace sanitised. At the time of writing, I have been back for 3 days. The sense of normality it has brought is a godsend.

More generally, the whole situation has been a massive test of my mental health. I have addressed this topic elsewhere on this blog. I'm quite a private person but the loss of the opportunity to socialise with others when I feel like it has been a massive loss. I'm still training on Saturday mornings but wouldn't it be nice to get to a Parkrun one week? I love a good brunch after training but occasionally enjoying it in a cafe with others would be lovely. Saturday afternoons in the house listening to Off The Ball and Sportsound on Radio Scotland have become the norm. While not the worst way to pass an afternoon, it's no substitute for being at a race or going to see my team. A drink at home or at my parents' is good once in a while but it's nice to break it up with an evening at one of my locals in East Kilbride once in a while. A "virtual" race just does not have the same buzz or social aspect as the real thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that lockdown has been horrible. I stay alone and have had a few periods of depression and loneliness. This has caused the very real worry of slipping back to the state I was in back in 2018. Friends, clubmates and work colleagues, you name it, I miss you all more than I can put into words.

Above: the Allan Scally Road Relay on 29th February and the Cambuslang Harriers 10km Road Race the following day, the last two occasions I did a real life race to date. Photos courtesy of Kenny Phillips.

As I write this, the virus seems to be getting suppressed, at least in Scotland, and restrictions are being eased. I'm mentally drained from hearing phrases like "social distancing" and "new normal." With regard to the latter, in no way do I wish the way that we are currently living to become normal. I don't want to resemble a bank robber when I go to the shops or get on a bus or train. When I meet someone I want to greet them with a hug or handshake. I have no desire to watch sport played out without spectators. I wish to see people physically in person, not on a screen. I certainly would be grateful to see more tolerance and respect in society than there was previously. Otherwise, Covid 19, please give us our lives back.

I have grown to love a beautiful song by The Adventures called Broken Land. I became aware of it when Ken Bruce played it one day. It contains a line which beautifully sums up my feelings about this year's events- "where I stand, I see a broken land." I hope and pray every day that it is fixed sometime soon.

Then You Open A Hotel....

"Depression is a very bad thing. It's like a virus. If you don't stamp on it, it spreads throughout the mind, and then one day you wake up in the morning and you....you can't face life anymore!"

Eagle eyed readers will recognise these words from the critically acclaimed BBC sitcom, Fawlty Towers. They were expressed by the hapless hotel manager Basil Fawlty towards an equally unfortunate individual, Manuel the Spanish waiter. Eavesdropping on the exchange, Basil's "little nest of vipers" Sybil delivered the punchline, "then you open a hotel."

While stated in a comical context, reading these words in isolation makes you realise that they convey a very serious message. Depression is indeed a very bad thing. Just ask me.

After a period of fairly regular activity, updates to this blog have dried up completely in recent times. There is a major reason for this and it has taken me until now to find sufficient courage to share my story.

I may as well just come out with it. In a nutshell, throughout 2018, I suffered with depression and anxiety. It just happened. A number of things contributed. Family matters, my lifelong friend moved away after living on the same street as me all of our lives, a couple of other friendly neighbours placed their properties up for sale, I was struggling badly at work. Everything just accumulated to the extent that, by January, I found myself in a deep, black hole. I also had next to nothing going on from a social point of view.

I've always been a worrier by nature and endured some low moods. I get stressed about all sorts of things. However, this was seriously bad. Try to imagine, if you can, the feeling of getting up for work on a cold, dark Monday morning in the winter. I felt like that every day of the week. If I was not in employment I may not have got out of bed in the morning. It's a miracle that I managed to hold down my job. I never sought medical help but was on the cusp of it. My local health centre has an online facility where you can describe your symptoms and submit them for a GP to consider. It's designed to free up appointment space so you can receive a prescription without needing a face to face meeting. However, the most serious cases still get seen in person. There is no doubt that I would have fallen into this category. I completed the form more than once but every time I came to the final submission page I bottled out of it.

I continued to run though my training regime and form dipped badly. I missed the odd run and session. It's a negative cycle. When you feel terrible, you don't want to train. When you don't train, you lose fitness, your race performances slump and your bad moods worsen. I went through this cycle a number of times. My 2018 training diary makes for grim reading in places.

Above: a 5km road race in Portugal in March 2018 during the height of my troubles. The pain on my face isn't solely due to the race.

I started to develop problems in other areas of my life. My diet suffered. My usually careful dietary habits gave way to comfort eating- fizzy drinks instead of healthy ones, having sweets or chocolate bars with my lunch at work. I have always strictly enjoyed a drink socially and at the right times but, during this period, alcohol had a detrimental effect, simply making me more depressed.

Things came to a head in May 2018. During a work night out in Paisley early that month, I simply drank too much. I missed the last train, somehow managed to get a taxi home, not even remembering what time I got in. I had a horrible hangover the next day and could only manage a 3 mile jog. I was self destructing.

The following week, at the start of Mental Health Awareness Week, I finally made my situation known publicly. I just couldn't take any more. I ran the Monklands Half Marathon. The race also took place on the second anniversary of losing my Gran so I was in a heightened state of emotion. Barring a disaster, I had the race won by 10 miles and spent the last 3 planning in my head what to say. The outpouring of support received was overwhelming and had an instant effect. My problems still existed but, for the first time, I felt that there were people out there who cared about me. The two tonne weight on my shoulders eased a little.

That said, things got worse before they got better. At the end of May, I travelled to Watford for a 5000m at the British Milers Club meeting. I was in the A race, something the old me would have relished. Not this version of myself. I was like Superman laced with Kryptonite. 6 laps into the race, well off the pace, struggling and feeling drastic, I stepped to the right and off the track. I felt lonely and humiliated. This was rock bottom for me, as bad as it got. My Dad just wanted to see me home the next day.

While progress has never been a straight line, that weekend signalled a turning point. The Monday (the race was on a Saturday) was a Bank Holiday. I got back to basics and spent the day down the Ayrshire coast with my parents, enjoying a 15 mile run in glorious sunshine.

Above: with my parents in Saltcoats after my 15 miler, May 2019, 2 days after Watford.

Thanks to the support of my family, some very good friends and one or two other people who, through the whole experience, have become close friends and confidantes, the remainder of 2018, though with a few troughs along the way, constituted a general upward curve. Through all the turmoil, I had somehow managed to purchase my first flat. Having got the keys in March however, I seriously underestimated the vagaries of homeownership and wasn't in a position to move in until mid August. In July I enjoyed a dream holiday in Scandinavia I will never forget. It is a worthy subject of another blog post. It looks like this blog is going to be resurrected again! Most significantly, my running took a turn for the better. In late July, I clocked 15:06 (fastest time of the year up to that point) for a 5000m in Glasgow before putting Watford to bed at a BMC meeting in Stretford in August, bring my time down to 14:55. The state of my mental health is closely linked to my running so you can imagine how I was feeling now.

Above: BMC 5000m in Stretford, August 2018, clocking 14:55.

The recovery continued for the remainder of the year, with considerable help from good people as stated, and by Christmas I was as close to my old self as I had been all year. I still had my bad days but they were considerably fewer and never as awful. I had also got my training together, even resuming my regular attendance at my club's Monday track sessions in November. A strong showing at the undulating Ribble Valley 10km Road Race in Clitheroe (31:16, fastest 10km of the year), between Christmas and New Year was a real signal to myself that my training was getting there and I was back. 2019 has been a year of positivity which deserves to be the subject of a separate post (see, the blog is definitely resurrected). One thing I would mention is winning my first ever Scottish individual title in January, a Scottish M35 3000m gold indoors. I was one emotional and proud runner that night.

I could say more but I think I've probably said as much as I need to in order to give everyone an insight. We all have mental health. It can happen to anyone. From the outside, I had a career, a loving family, decent social life, some talent at my sport, other interests. Yet, it happened to me. I am so pleased that the stigma has been removed and more people are finding the courage to open up. The work of organisations such as the Scottish Association for Mental Health and Back Onside is to be commended. I have definitely become a better and stronger person for what I have been through. A lot of lessons have also been learned. I am very strict now about being kind to myself- maintaining regular working hours, treating myself (you can't beat a good cup of tea), making time for things I enjoy (I've found that I love Parkrun catch ups with folk over a post run tea or coffee). The little things matter. I also have coping mechanisms for when things feel tough. To everyone who helped me in any shape or form and continues to do so, you have my heartfelt thanks.

It has been a worthwhile experience writing this article and I only hope someone reading it can take some strength and inspiration from it. Remember you are never alone. No-one with any shred of decency will judge you negatively. Speak to people, seek the help you need. I just needed family and friends to talk to but I found them. Above all, stick at it and never give up. Perseverance creates a strength to withstand anything life throws your way. The only time to really worry is if you find yourself opening a hotel....

Great Scottish Run 10km Road Race, 1st October 2017 (Including Preparation)

Due to work commitments, I decided to write off September in terms of races. I was far from idle however. After the Scottish 5000m, I had an easy 6 mile recovery run on the Monday then took a rest for the remainder of the week to let my lingering aches and pains clear up, particularly in my calves. Two high calibre races in a week had taken their toll. I'm getting old! I don't recover the same in my mid 30s as I did in my late 20s.

Thereafter I worked towards the Great Scottish Run 10km, a race where I had finished 4th in 31:11 in 2016. What follows is my training leading up to the race with some comments.

Week Commencing Sunday 3rd September

Sunday: 9 miles easy (57:19) in East Kilbride.

Monday: 9 miles easy (59:24) in Paisley.

Tuesday: Reps, 1 mile, 2 miles, 1 mile with 90 secs recoveries, 8 miles including warm up and warm down, rep times- 5:13, 10:35, 5:12.

Wednesday: 10 miles easy (1:06:00) in Paisley

Thursday: 5 x hill reps (800m approx per rep) with jog back recoveries, 5 miles in 30:28, 9 miles including warm up and warm down.

Friday: Rest.

Saturday: Longer run, 15 miles (1:38:25).

Mileage: 60

Week Commencing Sunday 10th September

Sunday: 8  miles approx easy (52:00) at Strathclyde Park- ran with a stopwatch, 8 miles minimum covered.

Monday: 9 miles easy (58:04) in Paisley.

Tuesday: Reps, 1 mile, 2 miles, 1 mile with 90 secs recoveries, 8 miles including warm up and warm down, rep times- 5:23, 10:51, 5:16- wet night and feeling off colour.

Wednesday: 8.5 miles easy (55:00 approx) in Paisley- ran with a stopwatch, feeling tired.

Thursday: Rest- working until 7pm to get up to date.

Friday: Rest- enforced. Day off work for my birthday. Intended to do a hill session but felt weak from a vomiting bug the night before.

Saturday: 10.6 miles easy (1:08:56)- feeling better, shortened run to ease back in.

Mileage: 44

Week Commencing Sunday 17th September

Sunday: 12 miles easy (1:19:42)- bowel trouble after 9 miles, nursed myself through the remainder.

Monday: Reps, 5 x 1 mile with 1 min-1:10 recoveries, 10 miles including warm up and warm down, rep times- 5:29, 5:24, 5:23, no time for 4th rep (watch didn't start), 5:25- poor session, feeling run down and bowel trouble during warm down. Felt need to regroup.

Tuesday: Rest.

Wednesday: 12 miles easy (1:16:55) in Paisley- pouring rain but a much better run.

Thursday: 5 x hill reps (800m approx per rep) with jog back recoveries, 5 miles in 30:30, 10 miles including warm up and warm down.

Friday: Rest

Saturday: Longer run, 16 miles (1:42:30)- felt very strong.

Mileage: 60

Week Commencing Sunday 24th September

Sunday: 8 miles easy (52:16) in Fort William- early morning run, away for the weekend.

Monday: Reps, 2 miles easy, 10 x 1 min with 1 min jog recoveries, remainder of the run easy, 8 miles in 47:35.

Tuesday: 8 miles easy (52:06) in East Kilbride.

Wednesday: Track, 5 sets of 400m, 200m with 200m jogs between reps, 5000m in 18:26, 6.1 miles including warm up and warm down, 400m rep times- 71, 73, 72, 71, 73, 200m rep times- all 35-36.

Thursday: 15 mins easy then 3 sets of 3 x 30 secs strides with 5 mins easy between sets and 30 secs easy between reps, 6 miles in 37:06 (in Paisley).

Friday: Rest

Saturday: 4 miles very easy (36:09) in Motherwell.

Mileage: 40

Sunday 1st October
Race- Great Scottish Run 10km, 1st in 31:37, first race since 27th August.

One key difference in my training in 2017 has been increased mileage. At the time of writing, 45 weeks into the year, I've manged 60 miles or more in 17 of those weeks with a high of 63 so far. I aim to have clocked 20 such weeks by the end of the year. For a lot of runners, 60 miles per week is not a huge amount but, for someone who was used to 40-50 then 50-55, it is. I have noticed a great benefit, particularly feeling stronger in the later stages of races, even when it's not been going as well as I want. The Scottish 5000m at Grangemouth is a case in point.

The planned preparation for Glasgow had been 3 weeks of 60 plus then taper off. I managed 2 out of the 3 60 milers, the only exception being a vomiting bug seeing me miss a session then shorten a run to give a total of 44. As for the race, I was delighted with how it went. Yes, my time was slower than 12 months previously but conditions were far less favourable. Running in a group until 3km, I made a burst for glory uphill onto the Kingston Bridge and pretty much held on from there. I couldn't relax because my gap in the end to runner up Alasdair McLeod (Shettleston) was only 18 seconds with my clubmate Douglas Roberts (sadly disqualified due to an admin mix up) another 11 seconds adrift. People can often assume that because you're clear in a race it's easy. Rest assured it isn't. I always run on the assumption there's someone on my shoulder. I would also add that you've not won until you've crossed the finish line, no matter how big your lead. Celebrate after you're safely over the finish line.

The day wasn't only about me as my buddy from Inverness, Jenny Bannerman, took runner up spot in the ladies race in 35:50. In addition, my brother Robert, running the race for the second time, clocked a personal best of 51:28, a 6 minute improvement in a year. 

Scottish Athletics Track and Field Championships, 27th August 2017

Earlier this year, I got a monkey off my back by taking part in the National Cross Country for the first time since 2013 (I failed to finish in 2014, suffering badly from the after effects of the Dublin Marathon so don't feel that counts). I scrambled and slid round a mud caked course in 38th place but the main thing was to see it through which I did.

Another such opportunity presented itself with the Scottish Track Championships. My last outing in this was an extremely disappointing 5000m in 2014 at Kilmarnock, 15:45 and 11th place in howling wind and rain. It jolted me so much that, the following month, I clocked a 10km personal best, which still stands, at the Scottish Championship at Stirling, 30:34 and 5th place.

I headed to Grangemouth in a positive frame of mind after the previous week's exertions at Stretford. Admittedly my calves were sore but the week's preparations went as well as expected and I was hopeful of doing myself justice.

The pre-race rituals (call room then being lead onto the track) completed, I focused on the task at hand. It became apparent early on, with a first lap in 74 seconds, that I wasn't going to get the performance I hoped for. The mind was willing but the body sadly wasn't. Nevertheless I kept the pace consistent and hung in there. I was particularly grateful for the support of Matthew McKenna, one of my clubmates, on the sidelines. I was around the middle of the field. In the later stages, I dug deep and managed to pick off another couple of athletes, eventually finishing 9th in the field of 20 finishers in 15:16.39. Another of my clubmates, Grant Sheldon, won the race in a swift 14:22.34, 3 and 5 seconds respectively ahead of Lachlan Oates and Alistair Hay. Impressive running by all 3. I left with my head high having had the mental strength to grind it out and secure a top 10 finish in a national championship. Another monkey off the back. Onwards and upwards.

The full race result can be found here.

British Milers Club Grand Prix, Stretford, 19th August 2017

Hot on the heels of the memorable Islay weekend, I had another race only 2 weeks later, a 10,000m track race in the British Milers Club meeting in Stretford. Having completed a 60 mile week leading up to the Islay Half Marathon, I did another the following week, which included my first session at the club since mid May due to work commitments. To do a session in company and see my clubmates again was nice.

I approached the 10,000m race with some trepidation. The standard was high and it would be my first ever A race at a BMC event. The entrants included previous European Championship medalist Chris Thompson. These though are the races that bring the best out in me. A telephone conversation with the same friend who contacted me in Islay (the identity of said friend will be revealed in a couple of posts time) on my journey down did settle me a little.

Onto the race and over 20 edgy athletes lined up for the 25 lap encounter. This was the last race of the night and the gradual darkness and floodlights added to the tension. I really just had to go for it. I decided to see how long the first mile (4 laps) took me and take it from there. I hung on at the back of the field. I was either really struggling or the rest of the field were shifting. The first mile took me 4:51! How could I run so fast and be last? It's beyond comprehension. I gritted my teeth and fought to stay in contention, reaching 5000m in 15:12. How can you be doing that pace and be at the rear end of the field? I was being comprehensively outclassed by a top class field. All I could do was keep going. I fought like a caged animal during the second half. Despite my struggles, this was a great race to be in.

Above: metaphorically fighting for survival in the BMC 10,000m.

Unsurprisingly it has to be said, the leading runners started to lap me. Chris Thompson lead the way. As I neared the later stages, I aimed to keep my time under 31 minutes. My lungs and legs were burning but I knew I just had to put one foot in front of the other and complete one lap, and another, and another.

As I approached 2 laps to go, I could hear the announcer proclaim Chris Thompson as he entered the home straight. Being lapped once is acceptable. Twice is certainly not. I'm not ashamed to say that, despite my tiredness, I increased my pace to avoid another lapping, and thankfully succeeded. It was a matter of personal pride. I kept battling and finally crossed the finish line exhausted in a time of 30:57.66, 19th out of 23 finishers. Thompson won the race in a time of 28:40. I had been put in my place by a field that was simply too good for me. It was a humbling experience. I had however been in a race I will never forget. 19 runners, including me, broke 31 minutes and 5 of those were under 30.

The drive home felt long but thankfully I had some company in the form of Giffnock's Luke Traynor who had finished 3rd in 29:08.52. I got home at 3.10am and to bed at 4am. Needless to say I wasn't in the mood for anything too exerting the next day.

These are the races that keep the running fire burning in me. I love them.